What It Takes One: Was It Me?
by HelloLoveGoodbye
Summary: Nevertheless, your life is no longer a part of mine. And my life has fallen into oblivion. Zero reflects on his emotions and feelings for Yuuki in a letter that was never meant to be sent. A series of related one-shots.
1. What It Takes One: Was It Me?

_Yuuki_...

Was it a bad thing that I always wondered what you were thinking?  
Or that I cared _so deeply_ about how you could see right into my soul when you looked at me?

Was it _me_ that drew you closer?  
Or was it how I painted myself into this life?

Into _your_ life.

Nevertheless, your life is no longer a part of mine.

And my life has fallen into oblivion.

My happiness has been all but obliterated. The serenity that used to fill up the very soul you used to so easily see through has been destroyed, leaving nothing but a void in its place. A void that exhausts my sanity every waking moment, and most latent ones as well.

I am never at peace with myself.

There are too many memories of you. Every where I look, I see something to remind me of you. Whenever I close my eyes, I see your face; your kind, caring eyes, staring into the depths of my soul once again. Filling the void in my heart for a moment.

And in that one moment, I feel your gentle hands on my cheek; I see the soft smile you give to me; I feel the warmth of your hand in mine as you grab a hold of it. I feel the care of your embrace as you pull me close to you in an attempt to make me feel better.

_You always could. _

And I see the love in your vibrant eyes again; the love you held personally for me.

Though short, that _one single moment _is all it takes to break me down into absolutely nothing. To force me into the harsh reality of what you have really truly become.

No longer are you the innocent girl I loved more then my own parents.

No longer are you the one person I knew I could count on.

No longer are you the girl who protected me against anything and everything; who stood up for me; who would have given her life to save mine.

No longer are you _any_ of those things. You are but a grotesque beast now. _The monster that I hate._

_"Even if you hate it, or if you hate me, or whatever happens...__  
I will silence the beast within you. You aren't a Level E! How could I let you die?!  
It's okay if you hate vampires, or even if you hate me! At least that isn't giving up!"_

You said those words to me; words filled with so much emotion. You held on to your beliefs with the firmest of grips.

_I admired that about you, Yuuki. _

You were always so selfless. Even though I had become a bloodthirsty monster, and I couldn't keep dormant the me who wanted your blood, you still cared for me as if I wasn't some abomination. You still wanted to do everything in your power and more to protect me and to keep me healthy.

Even willingly giving me your blood.

_"There's no way I could hate you.."_

I replied with those very words. I told you that I could never hate you. I had meant it...then.

Does that make me a hypocrite now? Because when you were human I loved you more then you could possibly begin to comprehend, yet when you mutated into the pure blood princess you are today, my opinion veered completely?

Because you were _always_ the pure blood princess, Yuuki Kuran, and when that truth came to light, _just because_ you had morphed into the one thing I hate the very most, then my sentiments of you had been compromised?

Because _I_ am the very thing I despise most about _you_?

Because though you were still Yuuki Cross, the Yuuki Cross that I knew and loved, then and probably even now, I still have to push forward with my notion that you are nothing anymore?

Because I _always_ knew _nothing_ about you had ever really changed...

Does that make me a hypocrite?

It has been some time now, and I made a promise to kill you, as you once made a promise to kill me. However, now, I don't foresee that happening. But could _I_ really kill _you_ Yuuki? Would I truly be able to end the life of the _only_ person I had ever romantically loved? The only person I had in my life for so long that really gave their all for me?

Tell me, can one love a person with their _entire being_, yet hate who they are just as equally?

_Tell me, Yuuki because really I need to know!_

Because if its impossible to love someone with your whole heart, love so purely, and hate that same person to the same degree, with the same heart, turning it the darkest of black, then I know my feelings of contempt for you have to be false.

That my background as a vampire hunter has obscured my view of you, and led me to this false hatred.

That the envy I felt --_ feel _-- for the intimacy you and Kuran shared only added fuel to the fire.

_Because, Yuuki, I love you so much that it hurts!_

...Am I even able to make excuses for myself now Yuuki? Am I too late to fight for you? Am I too late to hold you in my arms, to tell you what I wanted to tell you for years? Am I too late to claim you as my own?

_Am I too late?_

Is it wrong of me to consider those things now? Is it wrong of me to _even_ _be writing _to you now?

_Is it completely wrong of me to still love you as much _now_ as I did _then_?_

...Was it a bad thing that I always wondered what you were thinking?

...Or that I cared _so deeply_ about how you could see right into my soul when you looked at me?

...Was it _me_ that drew you closer?

...Or was it how I painted myself into this life?

...Into _your_ life...

...Either way, it's the things that I've done that have pushed you away.

_Until The Day I Die,_

_Zero._

* * *

Zero left the letter, folded neatly, on his desk, and walked out of his dorm room to clear his mind, thoughts of Yuuki still fresh in his thoughts. He never intended to send the letter he'd just written, but it did help a little for him to vent. Not that he could send it if he wanted to. He had no idea where Yuuki even was. The Chairman probably did, but he wouldn't tell Zero in fear of losing his Yuuki. He never bothered to ask him anyway...in fear of losing Yuuki by his own hand.

Zero cleared the school building just as the sun was coming up. He'd skip out on classes today. It wasn't the same anymore anyway. And he desperately needed some time away from the familiarity of the place and all of the memories it brought forth. As he reached the tree line, he glanced behind him to be sure no one was watching. Satisfied that he was free of prying eyes, he began a mad dash through the forest, allowing the cool morning breeze to numb the pain he still hadn't grown accustomed to.

Today was one year exactly. One year since she'd been gone. She hadn't shown her face at all, not even to Chairman Cross. I was sure of that. If she'd come around, I would have known. Not to mention, the Chairman probably would have told me anyway.

_What would I do if I saw her now? What would I say to her? What _could_ I say to her? Would she ignore me blissfully? Would she talk to me? Would she even _look_ at me? ...Would she still have the same love in her eyes when she looked at me, as she did before?_

Zero assumed she would, but he also knew assuming only led to bad endings. And assuming only gets you hurt. Assuming is a round about way of getting your hopes up, only to be let down in most cases. Assuming is painful, so Zero refused to assume. He settled with indifference instead, but he knew deep down that a flicker of hope had already started to burst into a flame in his heart. Hope that she still had that same kindness in her touch and her smile. The same love in her eyes.

Hope that one day he'd get to see her again.

_Hope that it wasn't too late._

* * *

By the time Zero returned to Cross Academy grounds, classes were already half finished, so he decided to go back to his room instead. His worries and heart ache, yet to be forgotten, were at least some what tamed for the moment. But Zero didn't know just what he was in for.

He reached his door and entered his room, walking immediately over to his desk to re-read the letter he'd written to Yuuki. However, to his great horror, the letter was gone. In it's place was another letter which simply said:

'_Zero, it's been taken care of._

_-Dad.'_

Zero never called him Dad, but without Yuuki around, Cross had been feeling a loss too, so he let it slide when he acted like a fool. Although, this was pushing it a bit too far. Chairman Cross really had no right to come into Zero's room and read his private letter. Those were his deepest feelings, written down on paper.

_I guess it's my fault for leaving it out...still, he had no right._

Re-reading the Chairman's note, reality slapped him in the face.

_What does he mean 'it's been taken care of.' Where is my letter?!_

With that realization, Zero stormed out of his room in search for the man whom had become his father figure over the years. And oh did he have an ear full to give that father figure of his.

* * *

Zero finally found Chairman Cross in his office, behind his desk, sitting comfortably in his chair, a smug smile on his face.

"Chairman, what did you do?" Zero demanded, staring him right in the eye.

"Why Zero, whatever do you mean?" The Chairman feigned innocence.

"You know exactly what I mean! Where is my letter? What did you do with it?"

"Letter?"

The Chairman looked at him with a false confusion for a moment, before he allowed his features to change to those of realization.

"Oh! Letter! That letter!"

"Yes, that letter. Now give it to me."

"Oh...I'm afraid I can't do that." The Chairman faked a pout.

Zero blanched, his eyes widening at the Chairman's reply. "And why not?"

"Well...you see...letter's are meant to be mailed are they not?"

"You didn't..." Zero begged.

The Chairman held strong to his mask of false guilt.

"You did..." Zero brought both of his hands to his face and held his head in them, trying desperately to figure out what this means.

"Why?" Zero asked, finally.

"Zero..." The Chairman was serious now, and Zero lifted his head from his hands to look into his eyes once more. "She needs to know how you--"

"She drank my blood! She already knows how I feel!" Zero choked out. He didn't want to admit that she left him even after knowing the extent of his feelings for her.

"She needs to hear it from you, Zero. And rather or not you decide to tell her, that letter you wrote was beautiful."

"Yeah, about that." Zero said, malice clear in his voice. "What gave you the right to read it in the first place?"

The Chairman plastered his mask of hurt on his face, but Zero wasn't buying it. He knew there was something up the Chairman's sleeve, he just had to figure out what it was.

"Sorry about that...it was just so tempting. To know your true thoughts..." The Chairman said dreamily. He truly was a character. An odd one at that. "Anyway, that's not the point." He announced, tone serious once again. "The point is that your letter...It was bitter sweet. It was honest, and I know my Yuuki will appreciate it."

"And maybe...it will get her to come visit me!!" He blurted out cheerily as an afterthought.

_So that was his plan?_

Zero couldn't help it when the anger dissipated and was replaced with the same joy the Chairman was feeling. He too wanted Yuuki to come visit, even if he only got a glance at her, he'd take that over nothing at all. He would never admit it to the Chairman, but he was glad that he'd stolen his letter and sent it off. He never would have had the courage to do that himself.

Nodding, Zero turned and left the Chairman's office, heading back to his room to day dream of what it would be like to see Yuuki once again.


	2. The Times When We Were Happy

_I can't stand this. I can't stand this burn in the back of my throat that always seems to be present._

Lying on the floor of the library again. Like so many times before. I knew I should be studying, but I couldn't seem to keep my thirst from my mind. Kaname was hardly home to help me sate my undeniable thirst, but for some reason that didn't matter much anymore.

When we first came to the Kuran Estate, the home I was born in, I couldn't have been happier to be with Kaname, just him and I and the other three. I was finally able to know Kaname the way I had always wanted to, and for that I was willing to sacrifice everything I had to sacrifice in order to be close to him.

_I sacrificed everything, and received hardly anything in return._

Kaname was hardly home these days. The days I needed him most. The days I could barely handle my thirst. The days when the ache in the back of my throat steadily became a blazing fire that I couldn't rid myself of. No, Kaname was always away on business now.

Though even when Kaname is home to help me with my thirst, it is never completely sated.

_"Yuuki..."_

Kaname had asked me, his breathing slightly labored from the heated kiss we had just shared.

_"Yes...?"_

Was my cautious reply.

_"...You know  
...That a vampires hunger can only possibly be quenched by the blood of their loved one..."_

I knew what Kaname was saying. I knew he'd been starving for ten whole years awaiting my return as the pure blood princess. I knew what he wanted in that moment, and I knew that was what I wanted then as well. So that night I finally gave him my blood. The blood that he'd waited so long for.

Though, when I finally took his, my thirst wasn't gone, and his words rang loud and clear in my mind once again.

_"...You know  
...That a vampires hunger can only possibly be quenched by the blood of their loved one..."_

That was when I felt the first pang of regrets in my heart. That was when I felt the first pain of heart ache. That was when memories of Zero started to mercilessly replay in my mind. That was when I finally realized I loved Zero as more then just a sibling.

And that was when I started to yearn for his blood as he yearned for mine so many countless times before.

"Miss Yuuki?" Aidou called, opening the door to the library a crack to peek inside.

I sat up and grabbed the nearest book, hoping he would believe that I was actually studying instead of day dreaming as he liked to call it. Satisfied that I wasn't going to be angry at him for the intrusion, he stepped inside the room completely and offered a bow. I smiled at him and raised my eyebrows as my eyes caught the cream colored envelope he held in his right hand.

"What is it, Aidou?" I asked him, curious now.

"You received a letter today." He said, warily.

I couldn't place the reason for his weariness, but I complied nonetheless.

"Who from?" I asked, truly curious now. I hadn't ever received a letter from anyone in the whole year I'd been here.

Aidou looked down at the letter in his hand, sighed, and extended his arm out to hand it to me. "It doesn't have a return address on it. Did you tell anyone we were here?" He asked.

_So that is why he is so wary._

"No, of course I didn't. Why would I?" I told him honestly. I couldn't imagine who the letter was from, but I took it from his hand and hopped up from my spot on the floor.

"If it's anything important, I will hand it over to you. Okay?" I said smiling.

He nodded, and I walked past him into the hallway and headed towards the stairs. Ascending them, I reached the top and walked quickly to my bedroom, shutting the door and locking it behind me. Rushing to open the letter, adrenaline causing my hands to shake, I took a steadying breath and removed the white sheet of paper, folded neatly, from its confinement in the envelope.

I recognized Zero's handwriting with the very first word.

_Yuuki..._

My heart skipped several beats before finding its rhythm again. The writing on the page was a bit sloppy, almost rushed or written with an emotional purpose, but it was irrefutably Zero's handwriting.

_Zero..._

How I missed him.

_But how did you know where I am?_

The thought was vague, but present.

_It must have been mailed off by the Chairman._

I decided that Zero most likely didn't know where I was.

I continued to read the letter with slow and cautious consideration, as to get the exact meaning of every word. I wanted to feel what he felt as he wrote this letter.

Zero's letter brought many memories to the fore front of my mind. Memories of when I walked in on him sitting in the corner of the living room, scratching at the place on his neck that Shizuka had bitten him when he was still just a little kid. I had stopped him that night. He had scratched himself so much that he was bleeding, so I took care of him, even though I was a whole year younger then him, I still took care of Zero. I already cared so much for him then. I cried for him.

I remembered the night I wanted so desperately to understand him and to get him to open up to me. I was standing on the stairs staring down at him. I was about to turn around and walk away, he'd just yelled at me, and I felt foolish for ever thinking that I could compare our pasts, but he stopped me by grabbing my hand, and when he did that, the bandage that had been covering my wound unraveled and fell to the floor exposing the open flesh. Before I knew it, Zero's fangs were embedded into my neck and he was drinking my life force.

I remembered when his old trainer, Yagari, had come out of nowhere, pointing his shot gun at Zero's head threatening to kill him. Zero and I were drenched, in the pool, and without a second thought, I stepped in front of him and held him in my arms, hiding him away from the barrel of the gun that was now pointed at me. I wouldn't _ever_ let _anyone_ hurt Zero.

I remembered the first time I willingly gave Zero my blood. I had led him to the private bathroom and practically begged him to drink from me. He'd written about that night in his letter. He had told me he could never hate me. That night he _told_ me he could never hate me...

I was determined to protect him.

I remembered the night we stood on the balcony, staring into the darkness of the school grounds. He'd told me he didn't believe I was a vampire yet. I told him otherwise, but he needed proof, so I did as he asked. I proved to him that I was in fact the monster that he hates. I don't think he will ever forgive me for being what I am. When I drank his blood, I felt _everything_ he was feeling. All of the love he held for me. _Everything._ I felt it all.

I remembered the betrayal in his eyes as I looked into them after retracting my fangs from his throat. He finally figured out that I was indeed a vampire.

_I am the monster that you hate, Zero. I always was..._

I remembered the pain in his eyes as I told him I was leaving Cross Academy. I was leaving everything I'd ever known behind. I was leaving Chairman Cross. I was leaving _him._

And lastly I remembered the promise Zero had made to one day kill me as it was his job as a vampire hunter to kill those that feed off of the blood of humans; those they call vampire. Those which are _me_, for I _am_ a vampire.

_I have yet to forget your promise, Zero. I have yet to forget anything that happened between us. I remember it all. And you wouldn't believe the pain it causes me._

_Yet..._

_Sometimes the memories are worth the pain. For without those memories, you'd be nothing to me, and I could _never_ live without at least those memories of you...of us. Because, Zero, you are everything to me._

I read the last line of the letter, and felt the ache in my chest overcome the ache in the back of my throat. Tears were flowing relentlessly down my face as I _had_ felt every emotion he had put into his words. I was glad I had locked the door behind me. The last thing I needed was for someone to burst into my room and see me broken down into tears.

_Listen to your heart, Yuuki, before you tell him goodbye._

I had had that thought before I had left with Kaname. I didn't dwell on it though, even though I know now that I should have. I should have listened to my heart. I should have sat down to actually think about what it was that I should do. Instead, I just left. I left without a second glance, without a second thought, without a second goodbye. And now I don't have a second chance to fix the mistakes I've made.

I know Zero still loves me, though I can't fathom why. He deserves so much better then the pain I've given him. The pain I've recieved though, I've earned. I deserve every bit of the pain that has wound itself deep within the confines my heart.

I had written many letters to Zero. But I was never brave enough to send them to him. I'm not sure if it was out of fear of being rejected, as if I wouldn't have deserved it regardless, or if it was out of fear of only hurting him further.

_Either way, it's the things I've done that have pushed you away..._

Your right Zero...your so right. The things that I've done, the mistakes that I've made have only proven to push you away.

_I'm so sorry..._

I had felt so much pain in my heart as I wrote those letters. I felt such a loss. In the end though, I never sent them anyway. Maybe I was just being masochistic. Writing letters that I knew hurt me deeply, only to put them in the hole I'd punched through the wall behind my headboard to hide them away forever. I always thought it would have been pointless to send them anyway.

_A million words would not make you care again, I know because I tried with every letter I wrote. And neither would a million tears, I know because I cried when I didn't have the courage to send them._

If I couldn't send you the letters, then there was no way of knowing. And for some unknown reason, I kept it that way. Like I said, maybe I'm a masochist. But if I've learned anything at all about the tears I've cried this past year, it's that the times when we were happy together are worth the times I've cried alone.

But Zero's letter changes a lot of things. Zero's letter has given me hope. Zero's letter has given me the courage I have been yearning for since I'd left Cross Academy. The courage to pick myself up and go back. The courage to say hello to The Chairman again. The courage to see Yori again. The courage I need to face Zero again.

Feeling the hard wood of the floor beneath my knees, I looked down confused. I hadn't even realized I'd fallen to my knees. I was consumed by Zero's letter. But now I am consumed by something more.

_Hope. I'm consumed by hope._

Picking myself up off of the floor, I wiped the tears from my face and took a deep breath. The adrenaline began to pump furiously into my bloodstream as I slowly looked around room I'd been occupying, thoughts of what I was planning to do taking the adrenaline by force and raising it to new heights completely.


	3. The Hardest Thing

Yuuki was walking up the long flight of stairs towards Cross Academy. She'd left the Kuran Estate without a word to anyone right after she received Zero's letter, and she'd been rushing back to what she left behind a year ago as fast as she could. But now, staring up at the entrance to the place she'd lived for the four years of her life that she was human, her feet had suddenly turned into cement.

She slowly pushed forward, forcing herself to remember the courage Zero's letter had given her. The courage that quickly evaporated as soon as she placed her foot on the first step that led up to the entrance. She was beginning to panic, horrible thoughts filling her mind.

_What if Zero wrote that letter a long time ago and I'm just barely getting it now? What if Zero isn't even here anymore? What if I'm too late? What if this is just a trick to lure me to my death?_

She shook her head violently, pushing those thoughts to the very darkest part of her mind. She was here. She could do this. Nodding once, she regained her courage, and ascended the remaining stairs quickly. The fear in her heart was still present, though she chose to ignore it. Ignoring it allowed her to finish what she'd started. She was determined now. She _would_ see Zero.

_Even if this is all just a trick. Getting to see you one more time before I die is better then running from you for forever, Zero._

The sun had just set, and if Zero still had the same habits that he had a year ago, he'd probably be outside running around somewhere. She decided she'd play it safe and go to see the Chairman first, so she needed to be careful not to run into Zero before then.

Crossing the main courtyard slowly, she savored the feelings she remembered of the simple times. The times when the biggest things were protecting Zero and getting good scores on the next test she had. It felt like a dream for her to be there again after what seemed like forever.

Taking in a deep breath, she pushed forward and entered the Sun Dorm where the Chairman was sure to be in his office. She was so nervous that she had to push herself against the wall for support as she walked. Her hands were shaking and she felt the sweat on her palms.

_What will the Chairman think of me being here? Oh, I hope he welcomes me back._

Yuuki had made it to the doors to the Chairman's office unscathed and unnoticed, but her stomach was doing anxious flips like never before. Inhaling shaky breaths, she stepped forward and tapped on the door, waiting for her adoptive father to respond. When he responded quickly, her heart, too, did flips at hearing his voice. She hadn't realized how much she had missed it. How much she had missed _him_.

"It's open." The Chairman said again, when nobody entered his office. Still no reply. The Chairman got up from his seat, walked the short distance to the doors, and pulled them open. What he saw on the other side of those doors made his heart leap into his throat, and he squealed with delight.

"Yuuki!" He exclaimed, pulling his daughter into his arms to embrace her tightly.

Tears were pooling in Yuuki's eyes, and she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to contain them, especially if her father figure kept holding her and showing her the love she didn't deserve.

"Dad..." Yuuki whispered, and a traitor tear slipped over and rolled down her smiling face.

The Chairman heard what she called him and he beamed, his smile growing bigger then it had ever been before. It had been over a year since he'd seen Yuuki, and he was so glad that she was back. He had missed her terribly.

"Oh, Yuuki! I missed you so much!" Cross said, letting go of Yuuki and holding her at arms length to get a good look at her.

His smile faltered slightly as he saw the tear on her beautiful face. Reaching up, he wiped it away gently, and led her to a seat so she could relax.

"I've missed you too." Yuuki said in a pitiful whisper, her voice full of sadness.

The Chairman didn't expect to see Kaname with her, as he knew where Kaname actually was at the moment, but he looked into the hallway instinctively anyway. When he didn't see anyone with her, he shut the doors and took a seat next to Yuuki.

"It's been a while, huh? You haven't changed much. I still haven't gotten used to your hair being so long though!" Cross said happily, playing with a strand of her hair.

Yuuki wondered how he could be so happy about seeing her, after she left and didn't come back for a whole year, didn't send a letter, or make a phone call. She might as well have just completely abandoned him, and he'd still be more then happy to see her when she came around again.

_He is the selfless one here, not me._

"Yuuki, why are you so upset?"

She was startled by his question, but gave him the answer she knew he deserved. "I just can't comprehend how you can welcome me with open arms and a smiling face after being gone for so long..." She couldn't even look into his eyes.

"Oh, Yuuki. You have nothing to be upset about. Your my daughter...well...at least you are to me. And you always will be, no matter what you do. I know you were only doing what you had to do. And Kaname always kept me updated on how you were doing."

The Chairman knew that Kaname was barely home anymore though. Kaname was always busy lately. Cross was well aware of this.

"I guess." Yuuki said, "I...I'm just so lucky to have someone like you in my life. I hope Zero is as welcoming as you were, however I doubt I'm _that_ lucky."

"Your here because of his letter, aren't you?" He asked.

"You sent it, didn't you?" Yuuki replied with another question.

Cross nodded, smiling proudly. "I had a feeling it would get you to come back to me."

Yuuki laughed, "So this was all for you?"

"Well, I'm aloud to be greedy with my own daughter!" Cross told her, jokingly defending his actions.

Yuuki stood and ran to her adoptive father, this time pulling him into an embrace. "Thank you." She whispered to him.

He was touched, and held her tightly to him, enjoying the feeling of her being near him again. He really had missed her.

"Zero is probably outside by the fountain right now...if you want to go see him. That is where he usually sulks now." Cross told her as she released him from her hug.

Yuuki took a deep breath and nodded at him. "Okay."

She turned to walk away when Cross called to her.

"Yes?" She asked, turning to look at him.

"He really does care for you. Go easy on him, okay? It hurts me to see him so down. Maybe you can lift his spirits. You always could, you know?" He said, a gentle smile on his face.

Yuuki felt a new found obligation rise within her. She felt she needed to help Zero. She'd always been his protector, his ally, his friend. She was always there for him. She would be there for him again. Now. Right now, when he needs her most. She would be there for him.

She turned once again, only this time, she was running. She had to save Zero. She _would_ save Zero. It was her concern. It was her duty. Most of all, it was what she wanted to do.

When the fountain came into view, she slowed and finally stopped, trying to catch her breath. Zero was nowhere to be seen. She felt a tug at her heart, and felt the familiar ache start to awaken.

_I guess I will just have to look for him then._

She exhaled and strolled slowly towards the fountain, stopping once she reached its edge. She looked down into the clear water and saw her reflection. With her reflection came the memories of the last time her and Zero had spoken. He'd called her a monster, and since then, every time she looked into a mirror, that is what she'd seen.

She wasn't ashamed of what she was, she embraced it, she felt like Zero's equal now, but she only wished that Zero could love who she was now. She didn't want Zero to see her as a monster. She didn't want Zero to hate any part of her. But he did. He saw the disease within her. He hated her for it.

Growing angry she let out a low whimper and thrust her fist into the water, distorting her reflection as the water rippled from all directions.

Zero watched Yuuki silently from the tree he was leaning against. He was shocked at what he was seeing. He couldn't believe that she had actually come back, and that she was standing right in front of him no less. Sure, she wasn't exactly within arms reach, but he could easily close the few yards between them and gather her into his arms.

He had stood in the exact spot she was now standing, only moments before she arrived there, and what shocked him even more was that she was almost mirroring the movements he'd just made himself. That was why he moved away from the fountain. He couldn't stand to see his reflection.

_Could she really feel the same way that I do?_

He just couldn't believe that she'd be disgusted with herself for any reason. Let alone the way she looks.

He had seen her arrive in the courtyard, running towards him, and for a moment, he panicked and almost ran away. But when she stopped and looked around at the empty yard, he could have sworn he'd seen sadness in her eyes. He couldn't move his feet from the ground where he stood, so instead he just watched her as she slowly walked over to the fountain and looked down into the water.

He continued to watch as she clenched and unclenched her small hands into fists. And he watched as she let out a cry and slammed that tiny fist into the water as he'd done only moments before.

But as she fell to her knees and began to cry into her hands, he could no longer just watch. But for some reason, he still couldn't move. So, he made her aware of his presence.

"The greatest harm can result from the best of intentions, right Yuuki?" Zero said. He was referring to himself and the pain she'd caused him, but he couldn't help but feel that the same words applied to her as well.

Yuuki gasped, and stood quickly, but was afraid to turn around and face the man she loved. She would know his voice anywhere. She tried to be strong, and not let him realize that she was crying for losing him of her own accord.

"Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you." Yuuki replied, trying to make Zero see that she wasn't worth his pain, that he shouldn't be upset over her. What she didn't tell him was that she _had_ cried over him. Many many times.

Zero knows she doesn't mean those words, but can't help but feel hurt by them regardless. He still couldn't help but feel he had something to do with the tears she'd just been spilling. As he thought back to her fragile body violently shaking from the sobs emitting from her lips, he felt weak to her once more.

"You know what Yuuki? The hardest thing for me to do was watch the girl I love, love someone else." He whispered, his guard down now.

"And when I seen you smile and knew that it wasn't for me, that was when I missed you the most."

But letting his guard down made him feel vulnerable and he immediately put it back up, malice rising with it.

"It's just another one of those days where I just want to disappear. To get away from everything. Because dying seems less sad than having to wake up every morning with the weight of this pain on my chest." Zero said, the bitterness saturating his tone.

Yuuki knows that she is unworthy of his love. He shouldn't feel any sadness because of her.

"Never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours." Yuuki says, though her emotions were getting the best of her, and her voice didn't come out as strong as she was hoping it would.

However, Zero is surprised by her words. He is sure that her words are contradicting her emotions, but for some reason she is sticking to them. She is being defiant.

_Why won't she just tell me how she feels?!_

Zero took a deep breath and continued, looking past her previous statement. He'd come this far, he had to let his feelings take over, he had to finally tell her how he feels.

Yuuki remained quiet, wallowing in the guilt she knew she deserved to feel. Zero, though, began to move towards her slowly, only allowing a small amount of bitterness to show through his next words.

"It's getting colder and the darkness consumes me, Yuuki. Maybe one day you'll actually care about me..."

Yuuki felt a tear at her heart and a prick at her eyes as his words reached her ears. She'd been silently taking everything he could throw at her now, hoping that he would break her down like she deserved, hoping that he'd be bitter and unkind and say every ignorant thing he could think of...

But to think that she never cared about him, that was just too much.

Turning quickly to face him, she didn't even realize their closeness as she screamed at him. "Just because you can't see my tears doesn't mean I'm not crying! And just because I don't show my weakness, doesn't mean that there isn't anything wrong!"

...And mostly she had been hoping beyond hope that he'd grab her and hold her in his arms while she cried because of the intense feeling of shame within her core.

Zero noticed Yuuki had been rather quiet since they'd begun their talk, but he was shocked by Yuuki's tone and especially by Yuuki's words. He realized what she was trying to tell him, so he softened his voice further, and took another step towards her. He is determined to make her see how he feels about her.

"You have to forgive to forget, and forget to feel again, Yuuki. I know that. But I can't seem to forget about you...and I don't want to."

Yuuki finally realizes how close they are and begins to panic. She hasn't been this close to Zero in so long. She tries to take a step back but the fountain is blocking her retreat. So she tries to remain strong, and make him see the reality of things.

"How typical. Your emotions are clouded so you can't see. Even though the truth is right in front of you." Despite trying to be strong, her voice comes out barely above a whisper, and she instantly regrets speaking at all. Zero could always see right through her, as she could him.

And he does. He sees right through her, and he knows what she is trying to accomplish. He takes another step closer to Yuuki, closing the distance between them almost completely, and turns her to face him.

"I'm afraid that the day you finally decide to love me will be the day I've given up on waiting for you." He whispers to her, afraid that if he took his eyes off of her, she'd disappear.

Hearing his words, and understanding them wholly, Yuuki is heartbroken, and the tears she so desperately tried to hold in, came spilling forth, rolling down her cheeks one after another, and became one with the ground as if they'd never existed at all.

And really that was all it took for Yuuki. One look into Zero's eyes and the pain in her heart diminished so completely that it was as if it was never there to begin with. That was how it had always been. But she couldn't bring herself to look Zero in the eye, so she hid her face in her hands, ashamed to even be crying.

Zero wouldn't allow her to hide from him though, and grabbed both of her hands in one of his, and gently forced her to look up at him with the other.

"Hey, you have to have a darkness, for the dawn to come." Zero was trying to show Yuuki that they had both been suffering, but that she could fix that if she wanted to. This was his darkness. This was her darkness. And she had the power to change that darkness. To fix it and make it better. To bring forth light to their darkness, so that they could be happy once more. She had that power.

Yuuki understood Zero perfectly, and bursting into tears, she threw herself into his arms and cried on his shoulder, only this time, she wasn't ashamed of her tears. She was happy that Zero had shown her that he still cares, even if he didn't come right out and say it.

Zero wrapped his arms around Yuuki without hesitation and held her while she cried.

"I'm so sorry." Yuuki cried, though it was muffled by Zero's shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

Zero rubbed soothing circles over Yuuki's back. "Shh." He said. "It's okay, Yuuki. It's all okay now."

And he truly hoped that it was. He had never felt so hopeful before and he knew that if she decided to leave again, his pain would be so excruciating that he wasn't sure he'd be able to live through it that time around. But he was so happy that he could have this moment with her. This one moment that could tear him to shreds, or lift him higher then ever before.

As Yuuki cried, she recalled a saying she'd read once. It pertained to this moment and she was surprised she even remembered it at all.

_I'm digging my way to something better. I'm sowing the seeds I've taken for granted. This thorn in my side is from the tree that I planted. And it's torn me and I've bled._

_But the wound has begun to heal, and I won't make the same mistake twice. I _am _digging my way to something better._

Those were Yuuki's last thoughts before she cried herself to sleep. Zero picked her up gently and began to walk through the courtyard. He held her close to him and refused to let go for anything.

He made it into the dorm building and up to his dorm room without so much as a single struggle or interference, and lied her down on his bed, pulling the blankets over her body. Turning away from her to give her some privacy, he walked back to his door. Taking one last look back at her, he wondered rather she was apologizing for hurting him once, or apologizing because she intends to hurt him again.

Deciding not to ruin this moment with more heart ache, he walks back to her sleeping form and places a chaste kiss upon her lips, then turns and walks out of the room, quietly closing the door behind him.


End file.
